relationships

wellness

The Things My Parents Never Taught Me (Pt. I)


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My dad migrated to the United Kingdom in the 60’s, from a large family in Kenya with 5 brothers and a sister. His father (my gramps), was a military man, fought in WWII for the British, and a devout Sikh.  They made the move together to England in hope of a better life. My mum was from a smaller family with only 2 siblings and left India at a young age.

My parents had an arranged marriage, which seems to be relatively unheard of nowadays. Prior to their arranged marriage, they came to England with all sorts of high hopes, pipedreams, wacky ideas and ambitions.

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Dad (Circa 1975)

They lived a humble lifestyle and I’d hear stories of them all piled into a house in England. It reminds me that the struggle was very real. Every day was early rises, late finishes, it was acceptable to have a low standard of living and racism was at a high.

I’m a Millennial, an 80’s baby that came into this world in August 1986. The lastborn of my house, after my brother and then my two sisters.

I have learned numerous things in my life. Some of those skills have been honed and crafted with my own conviction and desire to be good at them. My parents are very open about spirituality and allowed a great deal of free thought in our upbringing and that’s something I will always be grateful for. But, what about social skills, etiquette, and life skills? Well, my parents didn’t teach me any of those important factors for life.

Taking a Compliment

I was never taught how to take a compliment. How exactly does one take a compliment? Do you gracefully say thank you and go about your business? I guess that would be the conventional way to address it.

My parents have always had a defensive reaction to compliments, that stems from a feeling of self-doubt and unworthiness. As a child and teenager, I inherited this disposition, I would naturally feel self-doubt. When people would pay me compliments, I wouldn’t know which way to look or how to respond.

Not being able to take a compliment may seem like a minor issue, however, the root cause of the problem was that I didn’t feel worthy of receiving it. Why wasn’t I good enough to appreciate someone saying nice things to me?

For the last few years, I have been making a transition to accept myself and my traits more. Accept yourself, for everything you’re good at, accept the shadows that lurk inside of you and realign with your belief system.

You’re different from everyone else. Dave Grohl said it best, “No one is you and that is your power”. Everyone on this entire planet is unique, whether we like to believe it or not.

Trust in yourself and you’ll be able to accept and trust others. Compliment everyone. Tell your friends, your family and even strangers about how great they look, tell them about the lovely qualities that they possess. Don’t hold back for the sake of holding it all back.

How to Apologize

My parents really struggle to apologize to anyone. They can’t apologize to one another or to their children. This trait has been passed down a generation to their children who have now adopted the same characteristic.

If we have had an argument or pissed each other off, no one really makes the first move to say sorry. It’s pretty frustrating but this is the system that’s in place.

When someone apologizes they have acknowledged that they’ve done something wrong. Unless of course, you’re English, like me and we tend to apologize for just about anything.

To teach this idea to children, to apologize, if they have genuinely done something wrong is a quality that the majority of parents should teach.

When I see the way my nieces and nephews are raised, they’re taught to apologize to each other, until it has been ingrained into their core beliefs. This raises their level of empathy, emotional intelligence and their ability to introspectively consider the consequences of their actions.

Feeling remorse and apologizing for my actions is something that I’ve had to develop in later life. With every action, there is a consequence, regardless of whether it’s a positive or negative reaction, there is an outcome for my action.

To develop a level of trust, there needs to be communication between both parties. Whether it’s in your relationships, friendships or even between businesses and their customers. The trust has to be there.

Money Management

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Photo by rawpixel on Unsplash

Managing money and learning how to budget is an invaluable life skill that should be taught to children from a young age. If parents aren’t able to teach their children this, then schools should have a curriculum focussed on teaching children how to manage their finances.

In a western society, that’s completely riddled with debt, an essential skill for any human to “adult”, is the ability to budget, save and manage their expenses.

My dad has always had an irrational fear of money, which led to him feeling undeserving of it. He has owned a successful construction company since the dawn of time and yet, he didn’t teach me anything about how to run a business or take control of my finances. I have had to slowly develop these skills myself through a substantial amount of trial and error.

The same world sees house prices exponentially increasing, as every year goes by. There was never an urgency to teach me or my siblings about mortgages, unsecured and secured debt, inflation or how to get on the property ladder.

It sounds a bit like “boo-hoo, poor me”, but these are life skills that need to be factored into a child’s upbringing to prepare them for the world. How can someone traverse the world, without knowing the ins and outs of what people consider to be the most valuable commodity on this planet? After all, cash is King.

Conclusion

The cookie cutter mold that baby boomers adopted in their lives doesn’t really apply to Millennials nowadays. The common ideology to be successful in life was to go to school, get a university degree, get a “respectable” job, get married and have children. In that order. We live in a completely different time now and we need to be more creative about getting fulfillment in our lives.

Despite my parents not being able to teach me crucial life skills, I’m able to take an important lesson away from that. I know exactly what to teach my children and the people around me, with what I’ve learned so far.

relationships

She’s your Queen


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“I never make time for her in my schedule, she is the schedule”

Making her feel special on Valentine’s day is obsolete. So, you gave her chocolate? Flowers? Let me guess, you gave her some lingerie… boring as a motherfucker. Make her feel like she’s on top of the world all year round. She’s your equal, she walks beside you and never behind you. How well do you treat that prized possession of a counterpart? (she’s not a possession, she’s a living, breathing, walking-talking sassy woman who you hold dear to you.

That divine creature has needs and you should be able to identify them, from her behaviour, her responses and that glorious energy that’s beaming out of her. How are you making her feel on the day to day and how is she reacting to you? the tools needed for catering to her needs are emotional intelligence and empathy. With empathy you can gain a better understanding of her and how she reacts to you.

We live a life full of expectancy. What can my partner do for me to make me feel good about myself, when in reality it should be what can I do for my partner to make them feel good about themselves. I should be showing my partner support and encouragement. I have dreams and aspirations, so I should be firing my significant other up and not fanning them out. I should be helping them to awaken their soul with everything they’ve ever dreamt of being and having. Stroke her soul, feed her dreams and lift her up for the world to see. She has a sense of adventure and she’s curious about things, she is fucking starving and she wants you to feed the sense of adventure. Try new things, be new things and throughout all of it, she wants you by her side.

“Thank you” “I’m proud of you”, it’s not difficult. A few words can make a huge impact on a heart and soul. “Thank you for existing and for sharing yourself with me.” “Thank you for choosing me.” To adore the woman’s soul, you must first speak the language that the soul responds to (the soul responds to gratitude and compassion FYI)

The question everyone should be asking themselves is how can I improve my interactions. How did I make you feel in that moment and how can I make you feel better? Why did you respond to me in that way? A moment of self-reflection is always needed to improve yourself and your understanding of others. Establishing that you need to improve yourself will greatly improve your standing with your partner. As simple and naïve as it sounds, listening to her will help you to determine what she needs.

In a world full of people, how special are you making her feel? Amongst all of the other women, you better make damn sure you’re treating her with all of the love and respect she deserves to have. If you really care deeply for someone, you want all aspects of them to shine and that means they should be a top priority. You need to be generous with your time, love and affection.

She’s a gold coin, in a sea of pennies. Love her like it’s your last day on Earth or not at all.

 

Book

Noopface Poetry Book Became a Thing..


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From the Universe’s Lips to My Ears

At the start of the year, I was heavily encouraged to compile my quotes and poetry together into volumes and make them available as a book or series of books. Months later I’m holding a physical copy of my manifestation in my hands and it’s available worldwide on Amazon, Barnes & Noble and The Book Depository

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After years of writing, months of burning the midnight oil and trying to collate everything together so that it’s coherent. I started by hurling the majority of my work in at once and then having to filter it into the different sections that I wanted. I started with the Love & Compassion part of the book, which is the first part. This section of the book has quotes and poetry that I have written about my experiences with both love & compassion. The second is the pain section, which is a very small section of the book, as I don’t write much about my pain, as I feel that pain festers negativity around the words and they tend to linger.. it breeds more pain and negative energy. The third section of the book is called “The Universe, Adventure & Growth.” This section consists of quotes and poetry that I have written about the microcosm and the macrocosm. The Universe around us and inside of us affects us greatly, the threads of the Universe connect us all and the events that occur in our lives. The fourth part of the book, titled “Her” is mainly poetry and words about love and relationships, specifically focussed on a soul that entered my life and I wrote many things that I felt about her. I saw the Universe through her, it made my connection to the Universe even closer.

Broken Isn’t Bad

I spent weeks editing, trying to make sure everything was perfect, clean and elegant looking (I had a few teething problems.) I was also searching for an artist to draw my book cover, I found a fantastic artist on Instagram and she did an amazing job for me. She took my concept and brought it to life, you can find her work on her Instagram here Broken isn’t Bad

Broken Isn't Bad

After the book was released I felt an enormous sense of accomplishment. All of my blood, sweat and tears are available to me and the entire world in a tangible form. People that had supported me for years and also people that had just discovered me could physically hold my words and that made me feel full to the brim with love.

Thank you for your encouragement, support and most importantly thank you for the ineffable amount of love (you know who you are)
I am truly blessed to cross paths with you in this life and many lifetimes before.

I present a piece of my soul to the world “From the Universe’s Lips to My Ears.”

Check out my quotes page here  – https://noopface.com/quotes

Check out my Instagram for more – http://instagram.com/noopface