wellness

wellness

The Things My Parents Never Taught Me (Pt. I)


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My dad migrated to the United Kingdom in the 60’s, from a large family in Kenya with 5 brothers and a sister. His father (my gramps), was a military man, fought in WWII for the British, and a devout Sikh.  They made the move together to England in hope of a better life. My mum was from a smaller family with only 2 siblings and left India at a young age.

My parents had an arranged marriage, which seems to be relatively unheard of nowadays. Prior to their arranged marriage, they came to England with all sorts of high hopes, pipedreams, wacky ideas and ambitions.

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Dad (Circa 1975)

They lived a humble lifestyle and I’d hear stories of them all piled into a house in England. It reminds me that the struggle was very real. Every day was early rises, late finishes, it was acceptable to have a low standard of living and racism was at a high.

I’m a Millennial, an 80’s baby that came into this world in August 1986. The lastborn of my house, after my brother and then my two sisters.

I have learned numerous things in my life. Some of those skills have been honed and crafted with my own conviction and desire to be good at them. My parents are very open about spirituality and allowed a great deal of free thought in our upbringing and that’s something I will always be grateful for. But, what about social skills, etiquette, and life skills? Well, my parents didn’t teach me any of those important factors for life.

Taking a Compliment

I was never taught how to take a compliment. How exactly does one take a compliment? Do you gracefully say thank you and go about your business? I guess that would be the conventional way to address it.

My parents have always had a defensive reaction to compliments, that stems from a feeling of self-doubt and unworthiness. As a child and teenager, I inherited this disposition, I would naturally feel self-doubt. When people would pay me compliments, I wouldn’t know which way to look or how to respond.

Not being able to take a compliment may seem like a minor issue, however, the root cause of the problem was that I didn’t feel worthy of receiving it. Why wasn’t I good enough to appreciate someone saying nice things to me?

For the last few years, I have been making a transition to accept myself and my traits more. Accept yourself, for everything you’re good at, accept the shadows that lurk inside of you and realign with your belief system.

You’re different from everyone else. Dave Grohl said it best, “No one is you and that is your power”. Everyone on this entire planet is unique, whether we like to believe it or not.

Trust in yourself and you’ll be able to accept and trust others. Compliment everyone. Tell your friends, your family and even strangers about how great they look, tell them about the lovely qualities that they possess. Don’t hold back for the sake of holding it all back.

How to Apologize

My parents really struggle to apologize to anyone. They can’t apologize to one another or to their children. This trait has been passed down a generation to their children who have now adopted the same characteristic.

If we have had an argument or pissed each other off, no one really makes the first move to say sorry. It’s pretty frustrating but this is the system that’s in place.

When someone apologizes they have acknowledged that they’ve done something wrong. Unless of course, you’re English, like me and we tend to apologize for just about anything.

To teach this idea to children, to apologize, if they have genuinely done something wrong is a quality that the majority of parents should teach.

When I see the way my nieces and nephews are raised, they’re taught to apologize to each other, until it has been ingrained into their core beliefs. This raises their level of empathy, emotional intelligence and their ability to introspectively consider the consequences of their actions.

Feeling remorse and apologizing for my actions is something that I’ve had to develop in later life. With every action, there is a consequence, regardless of whether it’s a positive or negative reaction, there is an outcome for my action.

To develop a level of trust, there needs to be communication between both parties. Whether it’s in your relationships, friendships or even between businesses and their customers. The trust has to be there.

Money Management

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Photo by rawpixel on Unsplash

Managing money and learning how to budget is an invaluable life skill that should be taught to children from a young age. If parents aren’t able to teach their children this, then schools should have a curriculum focussed on teaching children how to manage their finances.

In a western society, that’s completely riddled with debt, an essential skill for any human to “adult”, is the ability to budget, save and manage their expenses.

My dad has always had an irrational fear of money, which led to him feeling undeserving of it. He has owned a successful construction company since the dawn of time and yet, he didn’t teach me anything about how to run a business or take control of my finances. I have had to slowly develop these skills myself through a substantial amount of trial and error.

The same world sees house prices exponentially increasing, as every year goes by. There was never an urgency to teach me or my siblings about mortgages, unsecured and secured debt, inflation or how to get on the property ladder.

It sounds a bit like “boo-hoo, poor me”, but these are life skills that need to be factored into a child’s upbringing to prepare them for the world. How can someone traverse the world, without knowing the ins and outs of what people consider to be the most valuable commodity on this planet? After all, cash is King.

Conclusion

The cookie cutter mold that baby boomers adopted in their lives doesn’t really apply to Millennials nowadays. The common ideology to be successful in life was to go to school, get a university degree, get a “respectable” job, get married and have children. In that order. We live in a completely different time now and we need to be more creative about getting fulfillment in our lives.

Despite my parents not being able to teach me crucial life skills, I’m able to take an important lesson away from that. I know exactly what to teach my children and the people around me, with what I’ve learned so far.

food, life, Spirituality, wellness

What I Learnt from 6 Months of No Meat


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First of all, I’m not writing this in an attempt to convince you to become a vegetarian, vegan or anything else that you don’t want to be. This probably isn’t going to make you enjoy meat any less and enjoy a plant-based diet more. This is my own personal experience with becoming a Lacto-Ovo vegetarian. I still eat products with eggs in and I still eat cheese (yes, I love pizza). However, my mindset has been tweaked and shifted to appreciate a diet that involves more vegetables, grains, and legumes, that I have found more beneficial.

From a young child to a fully grown, adult man, I had been eating meat and fish in one form or another. Every now and again, I’ve given up red meat, just to see the effects on my body but I’d never taken the plunge to give it up entirely. I grew up in a family that was “spiritual” and always dipped in and out of vegetarianism and I was curious to see if I could ever give it up for a while.

As someone who started to get a little fluffy around the edges in 2011 – 2012, I decided to start a Ketogenic diet. I was eating meat once or twice a day, pairing this with a copious amount of cardio and I was rapidly dropping fat. It actually wasn’t the best health choice for me, my face didn’t look particularly healthy, I rarely smiled and I had wilder mood swings than Ben Stiller’s character in Dodgeball.

In 2017, I started to slowly phase meat out of my diet. I kind of just looked at the animal on my plate and thought, is that really benefiting my health? My taste for meat and fish slowly started to deteriorate and every time I would eat an animal, I would just be like, nope. Nope. Nope.

I ate fish and chips in January 2018 (I’m British, so). This was the last time that I consumed any animals. Even though my meal was delicious, something in me just decided that I really couldn’t condone eating an animal for two reasons:

  • It’s a shitty health choice.
  • Why do animals need to die, so that I can eat?

I’m an all-or-nothing kind of person, so when I have my mind committed to doing something, I’m going to give it my all. So, I just stopped eating it. If you’re considering quitting meat and/or fish, then you’ll hear actionable advice, like, start to cut things out in stages but if you want to do it, then the only thing stopping you from doing it is your own mind and possibly your tastebuds.

Top of the Food Chain

Eating, or not eating meat is a choice, or at least, it should be. Dr. Melanie Joy refers to the psychology of eating meat as “carnism”, a belief system that has conditioned society to consume certain animals. After researching for over a decade, she deduced that eating meat is ingrained in society and we’re unable to distinguish that eating it is not a human necessity. The ideology of carnism invisibly influences the majority of people and perpetuates the idea that animals and animal products are normal, natural and necessary.

Over 56 billion farmed animals are slaughtered every year just so people can eat them. It wasn’t exactly like I had developed a conscience overnight but I did consider to myself, was there any real need for me to sustain my life by consuming an animal that used to have its own life.

  • What made me better than the animals that I was eating?
  • Why did I deserve to live and they didn’t?
  • Why are certain animals given moral privileges over others?
  • Why is it the sole purpose of those animals to be grown, just so they could be killed and fed to me?

The choices that we make stem from our core beliefs. Society believes that household pets deserve more love, respect, and care than chickens, cows, pigs, and lambs. If you break that down and align it with your moral compass, it’s pretty fucked up. I don’t need a cow to survive, I would eat that cow purely out of taste and I wouldn’t throw my dead dog on the barbeque, making sure to brush marinade on him, while he cooks.

I have gained answers to these questions over time and they’ve given me a sense of clarity with my belief system and my diet.

Carb Coma

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One thing that I noticed when first making the transition to a vegetarian diet is that my portion size doubled. I was eating more. I wanted to feel fuller and that went hand-in-hand with eating a shit load more carbohydrates. I was eating pasta, rice, bread and everything else that I could and shovel into my mouth. But it’s cool because no animals were harmed, right? The transition also led me to eat a lot more veggies that I integrated with my carbs and yeah, it often led to a carb coma. Actually, it still leads to carb comas.

Back when I was on a keto diet, I was under the impression that carbs were the root of all evil and I should avoid eating them because they’ll make me fat. Like I previously mentioned, I was eating meat and I wasn’t looking very healthy.

Anyway, I must be boring the absolute shit out of you, so what did I learn after a good 6 months of not eating meat?

I learned that my body is not dependant on eating meat or fish. I wasn’t eating animals as a dietary requirement, I wasn’t eating animals to supplement my body for a lack of protein or nutrients. I was eating meat as an addiction, for the enjoyment of eating it.

Not eating any animals, has taught me to appreciate the vast lifeforms of this planet more. From the small insects in my garden to the cows that populate fields. An animal is a living, breathing user on this planet with its own journey. It’s unfair to take that life for our own pleasure.

This isn’t a sales pitch or a call to action telling you to be more considerate to animals or to stop eating meat, even though you think you need it. I’m not asking you buy my 30-day vegan plan or green powder supplement. I’m simply asking you to introspectively consider:

  • Why do you need meat?
  • What effect does it have on you and the world around you?

Ultimately, life is consistently hurling lessons at us. We’re always moving up in levels and this is how I, personally kicked it up a notch. I feel healthier and stronger in mind, body, and soul. I have more drive to consider what I’m consuming and how I’m consuming it.

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Hello Bonsai – Making Freelancing Easier


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I’m a freelance writer, in a sea of other writers, my work distinguishes me from the others out there but I need all the help I can get. The majority of freelance writers know that the writing part is by far the easiest part of the job because that’s where you can put your expertise to use and get the most job satisfaction.

The not so glamorous part of being a freelancer is having to write up proposals, contracts and send out freelance invoices to clients. This can prove to be time-consuming and require a considerable amount of effort. However, it’s all part of the job and it still needs to be done.

So, how do you make life less difficult and spend more of your precious time doing the work you love? Meet Bonsai a platform that boasts a suite of tools to help you with your freelancing career and give you the edge against the competition. From managing your projects, clients, drafting up contracts and tracking time. The entire platform is designed to streamline a freelancer’s workload.

Bonsai features a simple dashboard, that collects everything in easy to navigate menus. From here, you can manage your clients, projects, expenses and even start a timer to help you determine how much of your time you’ve spent on a project to put towards your billable hours.

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Whats the Damage?

You don’t have to dive straight into Bonsai by using one of their paid plans. The platform offers its users a free version, however, the free version does have its limits. The free version allows users to work on one project at a time, up to a maximum of three projects a year. This isn’t ideal for busy freelancers but it does allow users to become accustomed to the platform before parting with hard-earned cash.

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Bonsai has two pricing structures, that both come with different perks. At the moment, the Plus and Premium plan both come with a discount per month to its users with a 14-day free trial.

The plus package is geared towards professional freelancers, that are looking to grow their business and streamline their services. The premium package offers everything that the plus package offers, however, you get even bang for your buck and multiple users can take advantage of the account. This is more suited for agencies and teams.

How Bonsai Improved My Freelancing Career

Automating my workflow with Bonsai couldn’t be any easier. I currently use Bonsai for 2 things:

  • Tracking hours.
  • Contracts.

The convenience of Bonsai places all of the tools that I need to manage my clients in one place and I’m sure as I use the platform more, I’ll start to take advantage of their other tools to make my work life more efficient.

Tracking Time

When working on projects as a freelancer, it can be easy to get caught up in the work and difficult to track how many hours and minutes of your precious time that you actually put into the work. Bonsai makes it ridiculously easy to apply the current project and time worked. You can even start a timer for that project so you can track it in real-time.

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Creating Contracts

I use Bonsai to make contracts for me. When I add new projects to manage, within Bonsai, I can then add my client’s details and draft up an entire contract and sign it, all within the platform.

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Here’s a contract between myself and one of my client’s, Kayleigh Pope. She hired me to research and write 10 blog posts for her website. The quick process of adding a few details about the services that I provide, payment details and terms of the contract allows me to tailor the contract to the specific client and project.

The same contract building service also allows the option to save drafts and email it directly to the client.

Cut down on Work with Bonsai

This fantastic tool for freelancers is a must, whether you’re just starting out as a freelancer or you’re a seasoned professional. The comprehensive list of tools that the platform offers (that are all in one place), will take the stress out of managing clients and let you do what you love the most.

Use my link below, to start using Bonsai, for free.

hellobonsai